


The Truth About Kneazles and Crups

by samkablam7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Magical Creatures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27055453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samkablam7/pseuds/samkablam7
Summary: When Draco Malfoy started hosting his wizarding radio show The Truth About Kneazles and Crups, he had no idea that it would bring Hermione Granger back into his life. He also didn't know that they would both be interested in each other. The only problem? She thinks that the radio host she's interested in is his best friend and Pro-Quidditch-player-wannabe, Blaise Zabini.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 15
Kudos: 36
Collections: Dramione RomCom Fest





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [DramioneRomComFest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DramioneRomComFest) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> The Truth About Cats and Dogs (1996) - claimed by samkablam7
> 
> Thank you to Quin Talon for all of your help! Also thanks to my husband and my best friend for being my first readers :)

Draco Malfoy was starting to become used to the odd questions that came with his job as the host of a radio show about magical creatures. He had gotten many questions regarding the breeding of Kneazles. He had also received several inquiries as to whether or not one could predict the color and pattern of a Fwooper’s eggs. But every once in a while someone would call in with a question that was completely bizarre. On this particular day, that question was: what would happen if a person were to attempt to breed a Fire Dwelling Salamander with a Frost Salamander?

“Well, Reggie from Leeds, I’m not completely sure what would happen, but I can tell you that I really, really don’t recommend it. You see, having creatures from two opposing elements try to, uh, do the deed could potentially harm one or both of the creatures. In this case, if the two species even were able to breed, I’m not positive that the offspring would be anything special. I think you would simply end up with babies from one species or the other. I highly doubt that they would be some sort of combination of the two species; some kind of Mist Salamanders,” Draco reasoned, trying not to sound like the idea was ludicrous, even though it was. “Whatever you do, Reggie, please just keep the creatures’ safety as your number one priority. And call back and let us know what happens. In the meantime, here is a message from our sponsor: Quality Quidditch Supplies.”

Draco stepped away from the microphone for a moment to get a drink of water and catch his breath. As much as he liked talking, even he had to give his voice a rest every once in a while. Mentally getting himself back into his radio persona mindset, he quickly moved back into position at the mic. “And we’re back. Sharon from Manchester, I hear you are having a bit of trouble with your bowtruckle…”

As he continued working, he couldn’t help but think about the fact that none of the people he went to Hogwarts with would believe that he was the host of the wizarding radio show The Truth About Kneazles and Crups. Thanks to a spell that modified his voice, he was able to keep his anonymity while being able to broadcast his show. He was also thankful that muggle technology like telephones had caught on because it enabled him to interact with his callers without revealing his identity and was much more convenient than communicating via owl. Draco knew that the wizarding world had not quite forgiven him for his role in the war and that his show’s popularity would have suffered if his listeners knew who he really was. Thus, his need for such deceptive measures.

But when Draco thought about it, what would really keep his former classmates from believing he was the host of this particular radio show was the fact that it was all about magical creatures. Although he had felt compelled to hide his interest in school (due to his father’s disapproval of the subject), Draco had always felt drawn to magical creatures. He honestly felt that most of them were just as misunderstood as he was. Which was the reason he created his radio show in the first place. If he could help wizards and witches better understand these creatures, then maybe the world wouldn’t feel like such a shitty and judgemental place.

Realizing that he had been spacing out while he was talking to someone on live radio (never a good idea), Draco forced himself to return his focus to what he was saying to his caller about her bowtruckle. “...and that is why, I’m sorry to say Sharon, that you cannot convert your bowtruckle to a vegan diet. I know that you are worried about his health, but what is a healthy diet for you is not necessarily a healthy diet for Kevin. Trust me, stick to insects and you will have yourself a happy and healthy bowtruckle.”

“Next we have a caller from London. Mia, it seems you are in a bit of a situation with a crup. How can I help?”

“Well, I am working on some research regarding crups and how their hair may be a useful potion ingredient, but my test subject is very unhappy.” Draco froze. He knew that voice. His caller Mia was none other than his old schoolmate and bullying victim, Hermione Granger.

When he didn’t reply, she asked, “Hello? Are you there?”

Realizing that she had no idea that he knew who she was, nor that she actually knew him, Draco tried his best to sound as completely unshaken as he wished he were.

“Yes! I’m here. Could you give me some more details on the situation? Is anyone else in the room? Have you already attempted to remove any hairs?”

As Granger filled him in on all the details, he started to realize what had made the creature so unsettled. “So your assistant, who is afraid of crups due to witnessing an unfortunate incident involving a pack of crups mauling a muggle, was somehow put in charge of extracting the hairs for your experiment, proceeded to cower away from the crup, causing it to become confused and upset. Is that the gist of it?”

“Yes, but I didn’t know that he would have a problem with the creature!” she said indignantly.

“Now Mia, no need to get defensive,” Draco couldn’t help but remember how easy it was to get her riled up. “What’s important is that we get the crup to calm down. First of all, does this creature have a name?”

He could hear papers shuffling in the background and after a moment, she replied, “His name is Scruff.”

“Ok, here’s what you’re going to do. First, if your assistant is still in the room, you are going to ask him to slowly leave.” Draco started speaking in a low, soothing voice. “Next, you are going to talk to Scruff in a calming manner, like this. Remember, we’re trying to reassure him, so everything you do needs to be nice and slow. No sudden movements, and no making eye contact. Are you with me?”

“Yes,” she responded in her own soothing voice.

“Good. Now, this part might seem a bit weird, but you need to get down on all fours. Slowly, of course. And make sure that Scruff can see that your hands are empty.”

“Are you serious?!” she asked incredulously. After he had confirmed he was completely serious, he heard her moving around. “Ok, I’m doing it.”

“Ok, now you are going to slowly move towards him with your hand out in front of you and low to the ground. While you are doing that, you should keep talking to him in your soothing tone. Just reassure him and try to be comforting,” Draco said encouragingly.

She sighed, but after a moment he could hear her talking to Scruff. “Ok boy, you’re doing so good. We’re just calming down now. You are a very handsome and smart boy. Yes, nobody wants to hurt you.”

He smirked to himself imagining what she must look like at that moment before he pulled himself back into professional mode. “Ok Mia, now when you start getting close I want you to slowly raise your hand towards his nose. Be sure to watch for any signs of aggression as you do this. You see his ears move back or hear any growling you stop immediately, got it?”

“Ok. Yes, we’re ok, aren’t we Scruff?” She paused for a moment and he was about to tell her to back off, fearing the worst, when he could hear what sounded like laughter and a very happy crup who was probably licking all over her face.

“Mia? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, we are both fine,” she said, and he swore he could hear a smile in her voice.

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Congratulations on your new best friend,” Draco said with a smirk.

“Wait, what?”

“Well, it sounds like the two of you have bonded over this adventure. It just wouldn’t be right to leave him in a lab when he so clearly adores you,” he said, barely able to contain his chuckling.

She proceeded to explain that her very hectic work schedule did not allow time for pets, but he was having none of it.

“It sounds to me like both of you need each other then. It isn’t good to get so caught up in work that you forget about everything else. Take a chance, Gr-Mia!” He couldn’t believe he almost slipped up and called her Granger!

“Well, I suppose I have been neglecting the other aspects of my life for work…” she said, already sounding resigned to her fate. He knew that he had won, so he congratulated her again and wrapped up the call.

Draco found it hard to believe that he had just had a civil conversation with Hermione Granger. He hadn’t even seen her in four years, but their first conversation as adults had gone very well. Although, he was working, so he had to be professional. And she didn’t even know it was him she was talking to. Oh well, Draco still counted it as a win in his book.

A few days later, he had just finished up the show for the day, when he noticed an owl at the window. He knew he could leave the letter until the next day, but he was curious, so he peered inside the envelope. Draco almost dropped it when he saw the picture of Granger with a crup. She had her hair loose and wild down her back and a huge smile on her face; a crup was in her arms, wiggling around with his own canine smile.

Retrieving the note that was also in the envelope, he read that apparently the picture was of Granger and Scruff, her new best friend. She wrote that she wanted to update him on how they were doing (very well) and ask if she could meet him somewhere for a drink to say thank you.

His eyebrows went up and he couldn’t help but say, “Oh shit.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to QuinTalon for being my beta! All mistakes are my own.

Looking back, Draco would realize that he could have saved himself a lot of trouble if he hadn’t responded to Granger’s letter. She would have probably been a little upset that the radio host had ignored her offer, but she would most likely infer that the host never met up with fans as a rule (Granger would obviously know that said host was keeping his identity a secret) or that he valued his privacy too much to meet up with someone as well-known as Hermione Granger.  
She would’ve accepted the situation and easily moved on with her life.

But no, of course Draco couldn’t have let that happen. Instead, he responded to her letter with one of his own. He told her that he would be happy to meet with her for drinks the next evening. After suggesting a time and place, he told her that she would know it was him when she saw a “tall, dark, handsome man.”

If he were honest with himself, Draco would’ve admitted that he described himself that way out of bitterness. He knew that Granger wouldn’t want anything to do with him when she realized the man she was meeting was Draco Malfoy, ex-Death Eater. Which was part of the reasoning for characterizing himself as dark. He thought that was actually rather clever. Dark by reputation, dark by family, dark by disposition. It described him to a T. 

It was because of all that darkness that he knew he wouldn’t show. Draco shook his head, trying to clear out all of his brooding thoughts. He was meeting up with his best friend, Blaise, tonight for some drinks at their favorite pub, The Tipsy Mermaid, and he knew if he didn’t stop thinking about her that Blaise would pick up on it. And once Blaise noticed that Draco was not happy, there was no way he would let it go until he knew what was going on. He was a nice guy, unless you wanted some privacy.

Walking into the muggle bar, Draco noticed his friend already sitting at his usual spot at the bar. He headed over to take his own seat, and Blaise immediately slid him a beer. He took a sip, savoring the taste of the bitter IPA. His friend took one look at him and said, “What’s wrong, mate?”

He sighed. What a fool he was, thinking he could hide anything from the intuitive Slytherin. “What gave it away this time?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Well, I can’t give away all of your tells, but I can say that you tap your fingers on stuff when you’re anxious,” Blaise said with a smirk. Draco looked down and discovered that he had indeed been tapping his fingers on the bar top. He ceased the tapping immediately and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“But really, Drake,” Blaise continued, “I’ve known you since before you could walk. I can tell when something is bothering you. What’s going on?”

Realizing that he was not going to be able to avoid explaining the situation to his obnoxious, yet well-meaning friend, Draco explained the Granger situation. He told Blaise about the call on the show, the letter she sent, and his response.

“Well, that doesn’t really explain why you’re upset. You’re going on a date with Hermione Granger; what’s the big deal?” his friend asked with a shrug.

“What’s the big deal?!” he asked incredulously. “The big deal is that I’m not going! The big deal is that I can’t go, even if I wanted to! The big deal is that I would be publicly humiliated by the Golden Girl herself! Can you think of a worse way to spend an evening?!”

Draco could tell by Blaise’s raised brow that he thought he was being ridiculous, but he knew that he was right: he could not do it.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t stand the sight of her or anything. He just didn’t want her to know it was him. He knew her defenses would go up as soon as she realized it was him, then it would get awkward, and he would end up wishing that he had never bothered to show up in the first place. Draco just really didn’t want to put himself through another rejection. It was bad enough when he got rejected when a friend set him up on a blind date. Being rejected by someone you don’t know is one thing, but being rejected by someone who knew him, someone who was supposed to be the patron saint of the downtrodden, was something that he just couldn’t handle. Or even worse, she could end up staying and talking to him out of awkward pity. He suddenly imagined himself watching her walk down the aisle towards him, a smile that was closer to a grimace on her face, as she married him out of charity for his sad, outcast ways; that was how dedicated she was to her pity.

Now, how could he explain all of that to Blaise?

“Ok, how do you think it would go if I went? You think it would be all sunshine and daisies? She would fall in love with me at first sight, even though I bullied her for years, and we would get married next week and have babies?! No. It will go one of two ways: either she will scream as soon as she sees me and walk out, or she will try to be polite and hope that she never sees me again. Neither of those options sounds good to me, so I’ll pass,” he sneered, before chugging the rest of his drink and slamming it on the bar in finality. He signaled to the bartender for another.

“So your plan is to stand her up? Wow, you really are an arsehole,” Blaise said with a smirk.

Draco paused and realized that is what it would look like to her if he didn’t go. But she was strong, she would get over it, right? Unless she was going through a tough time and her confidence was down. Now that he thought about it, hadn’t he seen that she and the Weasel had split in the Prophet a few months ago? Well, shit. He really would be an arsehole if he stood her up now. 

Although, she didn’t know it was _him_ she would be meeting. He looked over at his friend and pulled out a smirk of his own.

“Mate, how would you describe yourself to a bird?” he asked, trying to hide his intentions.

“Uh...weird question, but I would say that I’m a classic: tall, dark, and handsome,” he said with a wink and a chuckle. Draco grinned like the cat that ate the canary. 

“Isn’t that a funny coincidence? That’s exactly how I told Granger she will know it’s me when we meet.” The blond could barely stifle a laugh as he looked at his friend’s face.

“Wait a minute, I see where this is going! No way, Drake. Not a chance!” Blaise shook his head and took a long sip of his dark ale.

“Why not? This way neither she nor I will get hurt. She doesn’t get stood up, I don’t get publicly humiliated; it’s a win-win situation!” Draco stated, clearly thinking that the conundrum was resolved.

“What’s the win for Blaise? Not to sound like a stereotypical Slytherin here, but unless there’s something in it for me, I’m not doing it,” his friend said with a shrug.

“Ok, ok,” Draco said, hastily trying to come up with something to entice the man. “Drinks on me for a week?”

“Seriously? We only meet for drinks once a week, anyway.” He had to admit that the man had a point.

The blond sighed and muttered, “Fine, a month?”

“Come on, mate! You can do better than that,” Blaise replied with a cheeky grin. 

Draco was about to give up and let her get stood up when he realized that he had one thing to offer that he knew his best friend couldn’t refuse. 

“I suppose I could get you in touch with Brevis Birch,” he said nonchalantly, suppressing a smirk.

The other man almost spit out his drink before he asked, “Captain of the Tornados, Brevis Birch? Since when do you have an in with him?”

“Since Malfoy Industries bought the team last week. I might not run the business, but I’m still involved from time to time,” Draco replied, unable to hold back his smirk any longer. He knew that he had won. Blaise had been trying to get a tryout with a Quidditch team for years.

“Alright, you got me. I’ll do it. But only because I’d hate to leave a pretty witch waiting all alone,” Blaise said with a wink.


End file.
